a new start

I had a bad night tonight.  All I had to do was feed my family dinner, get Adam to YM and expect the ym/yw to come for 15 min and do some service.  I ended up in a ball on my floor crying, unable to breathe with stomach pains.  My anxiety hasn't been that bad in a long time.  My last attack like that was last summer.  Scott is out of town.  With Adam's help, I was able to get dinner on and he called someone for a ride.  He also told the YM/YW that I was unavailable tonight.  I guess I am surrounded by angels...even stinker-pot ones who trip their brothers everytime they walk by.  All my boys have a heart of gold.  Brian covered me with his favorite blanket and patted my head.

I wish I was capable of doing easy things.  I wish I could just do what needed to be done.  But I am so afraid.  And once I begin to do something, it isn't nearly so bad.  It is the anticipation of the doing that paralyzes me so.  I am frustrated because I have worked so hard for the last year and I feel I am right back at the beginning.  But perhaps I just had a bad day.  Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

I wish that I could overcome and help others who struggle with the same problems.  You feel so alone and isolated.  I think a lot more people out there struggle than we realize.  I would like to help them.

My favorite and most important people to me are my husband and children, and then my brothers, sisters and parents.  I miss you all very much.  I wish we could be together often.  One of my greatest happinesses is being with you.  Sometimes I feel out of place with you and I try so hard to be good and a good friend.  I wish you all the best in the world.  Because I have enjoyed Robby's blog so much, I would like to add my own thoughts to his.  I am not nearly as gifted a writer, but I have a strong testimony, too.  I would like you all to know my thoughts and my heart.  I would like it to be as if I was holding 9 ropes that attached to each of you.  Those ropes would be my lifelines.

I love you.

Amy